Mary, Ben X and (many) Max

There are a few films that are related to the Asperger Syndrome. And it’s always interesting to see how it is portrayed. What effect it has on people who have the Syndrome, if they related or not and if the family members recognise what they also live in the characters in the films.

The very first one I heard of was  BenX . Have you seen it?

It was just starting to be screened in my city that week and it was also just about a few months after I received the diagnosis.

It was the morning and I was driving my car listening to the radio. The host was interviewing the belgium filmmaker Nic Balthazar who was doing his promotional tour for his first feature film. He talked about it in many ways, then started saying it was from a true story: a young man, Asperger, throwing himself a window from a top floor one night because he was being bullied at his school pension.

I had to stop my car.

I listen carefully to the rest of his interview but was too imerse by my emotions. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and It’s all troubled that I was able to start the car again and finally get myself to work, my head full of fears.

Is it that often, that Aspies are bullied? How many suicide as teens for it? Will my child get over his teenager years ? Without being so miserable?

It took a few days. And research. And some truth of that harshness also.

But thank god it did not take that long that my emotions turned arround. And … I was not going to let that happen. All the documents I had read about the seriousness of that reality did not stop me from telling my self I would do everything possible in the world to get actions towards courage, confident and lucidity. and help my son do to the same.

So without having seen the film, it was already a motor for action and an awareness moment in my life. It shocked me but it woke me also. Everyone arround me was seeing the film. But for me it was too dramatic. I was scared and asked my mother – that saw it 3 times – to tell me every bit of the story so I could have no bad surprise when – If I dare – finally see it.

It was 2 years ago and the other day my son and I were at the video store looking to rent a film. BenX was screening on the TVs and we accidentally saw some images. It was a scene were some boys were terrifying the young man. I know it is not the only scene and the ending if a beautiful moment…But still today, I am scared to see it … And to accidentally see this scene did not help!

In order to tame my desire and my curiosity I rented another one.

Just to get closer and familiar. And my son watch it with me. It is an animated film called: Mary and Max.

It is very touching. Still a bit hard to swallow at times. Not because it is Asperger related. Plainly because it was a good art piece!

And the funny thing about it? My son did not recognise himself at all in the man!

Is there as many types of Aspies as there are specific characteristics ?

Both films I suggest if you haven’t seen. Would love to read your comments about them too.

… And If I finally get the courage to watch BenX…? I will be able to say like the mantra of the film… COURAGE IS EVERYTHING!

Definitions…?

Definitions.

My best short definition to this day was said by my son to his class mates:

“It’s like if you all think like a PC.

and i think like a MAC ( or the other way arround)…”

In fact there are as many definitions as there are people with the Asperger Syndrome. And besides, at the moment it is called Asperger because of Hans Asperger. But maybe in a few years we will have another name.

Or MANY other names.

I say this with much confident because there are still many nuanced areas that don’t apply with the idea made in 1944. My son was diagnosed with the Syndrome and has been going to regular school. It seems that he has the Syndrome but not severely. And sometimes it makes it even harder to understand his differences since sometimes he seems ” normal” and sometimes he is so obviously living life differently than me, a neurotypical.

Also, some of the things we read about the syndrome don’t apply to him. Or if they did, from the years and with learning he changed. Like looking at someone in the eyes. He doesn’t like looking at people in the eyes, directly. But you can hardly tell if you know him. Because he is fine with looking straight in the eyes of is family and closes ones. ( when I was younger I remember people saying you can see someone’s soul if you look at them in the eyes and many actors on shooting sets asks that the crew do NOT look at them in the eyes…Interesting, No?)

So what makes him particular? So many things that I started a blog about it! -) And I will continue my questions about how it is define and how it needs some refreshment. Thanks to many people who are Aspis that are telling us how they see the world, we will be able to better understand the definitions and the different variations we need to make even within the Syndrome.

Here is what Wikipedia says:

“Asperger syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder, and people with it therefore show significant difficulties in social interaction, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests”.

But let’s take a look at history to better see where it is at now…. shall we?

1943 Kanner published his first account of the syndrome he called early infantile autism.

1944 Hans Asperger made discoveries of specific behaviors different from others of the time….But back then they were not able to tag it. 

It is only in 1981 that Norma Wing started to make more substantial nuances in her book: ASPERGER SYNDROME A CLINICAL ACCOUNT .

…at the moment in 2010, it is known as a neurodevelopmental disorders. And the base of the diagnosis is the DSM IV Diagnostic Criteria for 299.80 is still from 1994:

Asperger Syndrome (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder, Fourth edition, American Psychological Association, Washington, D.C., 1994) are:
A) Severe and sustained impairment in social interaction
B) The development of restricted repetitive patterns of behavior, interests and activities.
C) The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
D) There is no clinically significant impairment in general delay in language.
E) There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behaviors.
F) Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Schizophrenia.

—–

…hummm….Pretty shallow definition no? So I though too… Thanks to my dear friend Julie, that gave me this book about 2 days after I received the Hospital Diagnosis: Freaks, Geeks, and Asperger Syndrome’: A User Guide to Adolescence by Luke Jackson I got more definition from an Aspi himself. That book helped me much better understand the Asperger’s Syndrome than anyone from the medical surrending…I later discovered many other definitions from the web and other books that I will share soon…

And some of the definitions call it a STATE and NOT a Disorder like does the DSM IV…Definitly to be continued…

Celebrities With Asperger’s Syndrome, and High Functioning Autism

When you don’t know something and you want to know more about it, you start to research.

And you want to know who else out there is like you. We all do that. And we also need to look up to others we can admire.

If there is one thing an Asperger or anyone on the Autism Spectrum will feel… is a bit by himself.

He might be happy to be alone. But not always. And certainly not when he feels rejected.

So, I found this page on facebook that made my son and myself feel much better about being different. And that made him feel he wanted to be “like him” for many names on the list.

Doesn’t mean all Aspergers would be a next leader or a genius or come up with world peace recipes. But, can’t one be proud? And don’t start tagging  Asperger = Genius. He or She doesn’t need it and if he or she is, you will know soon enough 😉

Read theses names out loud and look at how they helped the world. Give yourself a boost if you have been labelled “different” in any way.

And if not, just read the list and think about what normal and different means to you. Don’t be sceptical (like how can you tell Asimov was an Aspi because back then they did not tag it that way…). Just think about how this person could have been NOT so “normal” in a daily life. And think about how you judge  who is not “normal”  arround you today.

Some of the Celebrities With Asperger’s Syndrome, and High Functioning Autism:

Peter Howson, Luke Jackson, Heather Kuzmich, Virginia Woolf, William Shakespeare, Hans Christian Anderson, Goethe, Isaac Asimov, Craig Nicholls, Gary Numan, Tim Page, Dawn Prince-Hughes, Vernon L. Smith, Satoshi Tajiri, Raymond Thompson, Liane Holliday Willey, Michelle Dawson, Temple Grandin, Caiseal Mor, Hikari Oe, Dylan Scott Pierce, Jim Sinclair, Amanda Baggs, Lucy Blackman, Alonzo Clemons, Tony DeBlois, Christopher Knowles,Leslie Lemke, Jonathan Lerman, Jason McElwain, Thristan Mendoza, Tito Mukhopadhyay, Derek Paravicini, Kim Peek, James Henry Pullen, Matt Savage, Birger Sellin, Henriett Seth, Daniel Tammet, Richard Wawro, Stephen Wiltshire, Napoleon Bonaparte, George Washington, John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson, Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, William Taft, Harry Truman, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Elvis Presley, Peter the Great, Wilhelm II, Alexander the Great, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Jeremy Bentham, Socrates, Henry Ford, Bill Gates, Robin Williams, Tom Hanks, Marilyn Monroe, Clark Gable, Charles Dickinson, Jane Austen, Béla Bartók, Ludwig van Beethoven, Anton Bruckner, Henry Cavendish, Emily Dickinson, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Kaspar Hauser, Oliver Heaviside, Thomas Jefferson, Carl Jung, Franz Kafka, Wasily Kandinsky, H P Lovecraft, Ludwig II, 1845-1886, King of Bavaria, Charles Rennie Mackintosh, Gustav Mahler, Friedrich Nietzsche, Bertrand Russell, George Bernard Shaw, Richard Strauss, Nikola Tesla, Henry Thoreau, Alan Turing, Mark Twain, Vincent Van Gogh, Ludwig Wittgenstein, Isaac Asimov, Hans Asperger, John Denver, Glenn Gould, Jim Henson, Alfred Hitchcock, Howard Hughes, Andy Kaufman, L S Lowry, Charles Schulz, Andy Warhol, Woody Allen, Tony Bennett, Bob Dylan, Joseph Erber, Bobby Fischer, Bill Gates, Al Gore, Jeff Greenfield, David Helfgott, Garrison Keillor, John Motson, John Nash, Keith Olbermann, Michael Palin, Keanu Reeves, Oliver Sacks, James Taylor… And you can add many more…

They might not actually have that exact diagnostic… Bet were they judge for being weird? How real is their contribution to the world?

List from the facebook page:http://www.facebook.com/?sk=messages&tid=1400989670148#!/group.php?gid=16490500293&v=wall

I also Found this site : Famous People with Asperger Syndrome or Similar Autistic Traits http://www.asperger-syndrome.me.uk/people.htm

Tool #1: when you are a parent receiving a diagnose

Ounce you have a diagnostic you need some tools. Because you can’t do it alone. And it’s going to be a process and take time. You need to understand how your child lives it and what are his own specificity wich changes from an Asperger to another. And he needs that too!

The very first tool that helped me and my son get some parameters about what the diagnostic was:

Asperger, What Does it Mean to Me? by Catherine Faherty. We used the french version: “Asperger, Qu’est-ce que c’est pour moi? ” and it seems to be a good translation.

The very first thing to think about is how you are introducing this book to your child. Take your time.

Is he too young? Maybe. Was his day already full of stuff to cope with? Wait a bit… or a few years, if so. But if he or she is old enough to be told the diagnostic, this book will be very useful. It is an exercise book that your child or yourself can read and write as wish.

We started the ritual with reading one page before reading a story, wich we did every night after toothbrushes and pyjamas.

If he did not want to do the book one night, I let him not do it. I didn’t force it. I let it go.

Then we would only read the story.

Sometimes I would let pass a few days or a week before bringing up the book again. While getting ready for the book story reading, a pen in hand I would say: “You choose a chapter? Open the book anywhere” or…”do you want this chapter or finishing this one you stared…?”  and he would choose and we would do that chapter together. By the end he wanted to read and filled the book himself. I would just sit next to him. (The order of filling the book isn’t important…Him recognizing himself in it and circling what is true for him or not is definitely the point and what ever path, order or way to get there is the right one! )

Getting to understand how he or she or you are different can be complex. And even what happen in the day before can change the possibility to accept new information. There is no speed to incorporate information and to read a book, especially an exercise book! The recognition of your identity is precious. Respect the rhythm. Go with the flow. Take your time… And ounce in a while… sing the beatles song: “Let it be”! 🙂

Here is a direct link to buy it.

It also has a review of the book and words about the author.

Plus, it comes from a great website to visit:

http://autismawarenesscentre.com/booksproducts/autism?page=shop.product_details&flypage=flypage_aaci_books.tpl&product_id=322&category_id=1

Share foward

the future of the weird and real blog is a place to share anything and everything that concerns the Asperger Syndrome and all other thoughts connected to it.

It is so still unknown and not well understood that a place to reflect and learn can only help us look towards the future and feel at home with it all in the respect of the differences.

After all, isn’t true that what’s weird today is what’s real tomorrow ?

…Not so long ago ( 500 years), Galileo got burned because he was saying the earth wasn’t flat but round. What is so weird it’s unacceptable to us today and shall be proofed in 500 years?

Some say an Asperger near you could give you some clues…