As I continue my research and reflections on the differences and similarities towards the words Geeks, Nerds and Aspies, I stumble upon the relations to identity and self-esteem.
I decided to dive into it for real by reading this amazing book on the subject : “L’estime de soi : S’aimer pour mieux vivre avec les autres (2001)” by Christophe André and Francois Lelord. ( translation: To love oneself to better live with others).
As I read more and more, I realize how much self-esteem relates to everything we do all day. And also how it flows even during the course of a day. Because self-esteem isn’t something fix.
For those who haven’t read my post1 on the subject, I was noticing that my son had a better self-esteem when he was defining himself as a GEEK then when he was identifying as a NERD. I was explaining that since he changed school (from preschool to high school), it permitted him to have another identity ( So he though…). The whole beginning of the year, he looked so happy to be the new “geek”of the school, knowing soooo many words that made others look up to him.
But soon enough, one nite, the NERD (or the ASPIE?) part of him popped back up and there he was, feeling miserable and crying: “Bouh…I suck mom, I am a nerd!”.
Was my heart broken? MMmmmm…Na. I know too well it’s only a cloud. Yes. you can be sad. because according to general knowledge ( in the new web land it is called Wikipedia!) a nerd isn’t something “cool”. In fact, a nerd is considerate… a looser.
THE WORD NERD ( I’ll come back with more crispy details about the word NERD in another post… )
So in Wikipedia a Nerd is: a term that refers to a person who avidly pursues intellectual activities, technical or scientific endeavors (…) It often carries a derogatory connotation. The stereotypical nerd is intelligent but socially and physically awkward. What I found very intriguing in this situation is that my son was only feeling sad because – for a moment – he felt different from all the others. If he would have been surrounded by other intellectual (wich happens sometimes!) he wouldn’t of called himself a nerd. He would have been just… himself. Passionate about some analysis or some new scientific discoveries and loving it.
So it seems pretty obvious that his self-esteem being low that day did not really have to do with being a nerd. But more so about being a nerd within others that are not. And if you feel low, being a nerd is… far from all the fame of the geek!
( I touch you) TAG! ( running fast and touching) NO, YOU TAG!
Thanks to a bit of time passing and careless daydreaming, I realize the problem about tagging….is the tag itself. Because it is a stereotype. And stereotypes are only concepts. Not a person. Not an alive being. Since life is movement and when we stop moving we die, the principle of tagging people can only be harmful to each other, like if we kill a little each time we trow a target at someone else.
I say we stop tagging unless it’s a game, we know when it begins and when it ends. What do you think? Who wants to play?
Seriously. When we tag or label, we stop the mystery side of the person. But there is so much we don’t know about a single human being. Sometimes we can live with the same partner and keep learning news things about him or her over decades. So, how could it be possible to say this person is _______ .period? He or she is only one thing? And that thing would be in a box with a label…?
I have said it before and will repeat it again and again.
I am unique. Just like everybody else. And being oneself implies being many moving things. Not just one. Not fix.
Of course we use words to understand the world, but we can also use no word and not try to tag people. Let people be who they are. Knowing sometimes we change, sometimes we meet in particular context, get to know a particular side of a person… but there is a whole lot of unknown about him or her.
Ok, fine, maybe my son IS a nerd. Sometimes. For a minute. Or a second. And he is also many other things. And the more I get to know him, the more I feel he is… himself. That’s it. Wouln’t you say this about people you love and live with? Wouln’t be great to extend that respect to people we don’t know at all?
( Wow…I guess it’s the philosopher part of me that wrote THAT post! -)
-More on self-esteem and Aspies soon-
-More on Geeks and Nerds too…because we love them !-
the future of the weird and real 